Back in July, I attended Virtual Realm Makers and though it was vastly different from in–person Realm Makers, it still blessed me more than I can express. Not to mention vaulted me to the end of this first round of rewrites for The Nether Isle.

So yes, this post is some 2 months late, but a wizard arrives precisely when he means to between a hiatus, book reviews, finishing rewrites, The Silmaril Awards, and just processing, well, a LOT, it’s taken me this long to at last recap my virtual writers conference experience. You’ll forgive me, yes? *puppy dog eyes*

You may also like:

• Realm Makers 2018 Recap
• Realm Makers 2019 Recap

This will be a much different recap than the norm. I feel like there’s so much to say about RM this year, and at the same time not a lot since it was basically just sitting in my room watching classes through a computer screen. And yet, even here months later, I’m still soaking in and processing and sorting through all the goodness I learned. So instead of the usual day-by-day recap, I’m just going to…talk. I hope you don’t mind some rambles. (Though if you’re following my blog, you clearly don’t, bless your hearts.)

VIRTUAL REALM MAKERS 2020

Before the Conference:

This was my 3rd year to “attend” Realm Makers, and my 3rd writers conference ever, and it came as a total surprise.

Even before 2020 decided to have an apocalypse, I hadn’t planned to make it to Realm Makers this year, due to multiple reasons. And then when you-know-what happened and they had to go virtual, I still didn’t think I’d be doing it.

Let’s be real, it has not been a great year (thank you for stating the obvious, Christine). I was having a really hard time, especially during late spring/early summer, and had fallen into a not-so-great place mentally. I felt drained. Exhausted. Trapped. Not needing to leave the house, having nothing to look forward to, and absolutely no idea when this nightmare would end, my creativity and overall wellbeing had taken a nosedive. I was trying to push through with The Nether Isle rewrites, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I almost got to the point where I didn’t even like the story, something that has never really happened. I tend to love all my WIPs, no matter how in bad shape they’re in. I was just…tired. So, so tired.

But then, during one of my worst weeks, I got the happy surprise—a friend offered a Realm Makers registration. And next thing I knew, I WAS ATTENDING RM 2020. (*hugs said friend to the end of time*)

After months of nothing to look forward to, and the same ol’ humdrum routine, at last there would be a little bit of a break in the monotony. And it really made me examine myself, and realize, though yes, I am home all day, and yes, the world is not in a great place, that didn’t mean I needed to wallow in it. It was time to make a CHANGE.

So I took a hiatus in July. I stepped back from the mundane routine and forced myself to find things that brought me joy. I spent more time with family, had a huge movie marathon with my sister, played some video games (something I never make time for anymore), and I could feel myself coming back. Feel that drive to create, and a contentedness.

Then July 16th rolled around—the day virtual Realm Makers was to begin.

The Conference:

I woke up excited that day, super eager to dig into all the amazing sounding classes, and also curious to see how it was going to work. But there was also a sadness. Last year’s Realm Makers was, quite honestly, the best time of my life, and I was envious of my last year self, envious of that complete euphoria of being in a building IN PERSON with so very many internet pals, not to mention authors I love and admire. All the crazy talks, dressing up in costume, interacting with the teachers during classes. It is a feeling like no other, and how I ached for it.

But then N.D. Wilson’s opening keynote began that evening, and that euphoria came rushing back. Yes, I was sitting in my room alone and staring at a screen, instead of crowded in an auditorium with 300+ likeminded people. But that spark of magic, that sense of community was still there, even as we were all separated across the miles.

And thus began a 3-day blur of online classes, chatting in the Discord server, video chats, and reconnecting with everything I had allowed this exhausting year to drain out of me.

Because that’s it, right there: I allowed the hardships to drain me. I gave into the exhaustion, and just kept adding to it. My workaholic self decided that if I’m home all day, I may as well be productive all day, and it became unhealthy. I had even got to the point where I felt disconnected from God, because I was just so tired. So bogged down by the muck of my circumstances that it covered up the important things. The truths.

And then Realm Makers happened.

As I said, I was already beginning to crawl out of the mire of my exhaustion even before RM just from taking a hiatus, but after RM the muck cleared away. And I felt whole again.

Those three days were exhausting. Watching online classes and staring at a screen from literally the moment I got up in the morning to late at night gave my eyes, brain, and laptop a workout for sure. But it did wonders to my mentality.

Despite those two in-person Realm Makers I attended being the greatest time in my life, I may have to say that this year’s classes were my favorite out of all three RMs. It seems every year there are classes or keynotes that I needed that particular year, and boy, this one was no different.

When N.D. Wilson opened the conference up with a keynote about the utter wonders of this world we live in, about how our world is a fantasy world, about how we are sub-creators beneath God, and about how it is our goal to tell stories reflecting God’s ultimate truths—the trials of this year that had been piling and piling and piling down upon my creativity, at my happiness, at my wellbeing, dissipated. I could breathe again.

As I spent those three days soaking in such wisdom from a vast array of incredible authors and professionals, I remembered my love for story. My love for LIFE. For this beautiful world God has given us, broken and messy and disastrous though it may be. But that’s why we need stories. Being able to use stories to explore God’s truths and inspire and equip people to embark on their own journeys through this hard world—that is what writing is all about. That is the true joy in stories. And the privilege of being an author.

For a long while, I was so drained of writing, and stuck with my story, and questioned if to even keep going with it. But then after Realm Makers, I was reminded why I love stories, of how cathartic writing really is, of how I always feel closer to God when I include Him in the process. Of what a joy it is to be a sub-creator under the ultimate Creator Himself. During this hard time, I need stories more than ever.

So after a haze of amazing classes and chatting with so many beautiful likeminded people throughout the virtual conference and soaking up so much wisdom, I returned to rewrites. And I blazed through to the end with hardly any trouble at all. Where before it had been a painful slog.

I was excited about my story again, about writing. But more than that, I felt close to God again. I felt like me. Not some zombified version of me. And I’ve felt like me ever since.

Conference Thoughts:

2020 has been hard. Really hard. But it’s also taught me so much about myself. Ever since July, I’ve really learned the balance of work and play. I’ve been extra careful to not let myself slip back into that drained, depressed state again. I’m giving myself more breaks, more entire days off, more lax with my workload when I need it. And, miracle of miracles, I think I’ve somehow been even more productive. I know that’s how that works. One can be way more productive when one is not exhausted, but I rarely allowed myself the freedom of lots of breaks. I just pushed through the exhaustion and, as a result, produced not-so-great things.

But I’m working on it. And though that workaholic self rears its ugly head on almost a daily basis, I’m learning to shove it aside. To pay attention to my exhaustion levels and take the needed action to not let it go too far.

And because of this, because I’m not lost in the muck of exhaustion, I’m feeling light and free. Creative again, closer to God again, hopeful again.

Life is still hard and tiring and mundane, but God is also still an amazing, faithful, perfect, beautiful God. As N.D. Wilson said in one of his classes, we should soak in the creativity of God and our imaginations will bloom.

Realm Makers 2020 was certainly a different experience from normal. I desperately missed the joy of being there with everyone, and though I ache for all who had planned to go in person, it was such a blessing being able to attend this year because it was virtual.

I still feel like I have so much more I could say. Of all the wisdom I soaked up from so many classes. Of the delight of video chatting with friends in between sessions and then a long late-night chat at the end of the conference. Of how I failed miserably with the Harry Potter trivia the Redwines put on, but still had a BLAST. Of how I got to watch some classes with my sister, which was an extra dose of goodness, since she had never done Realm Makers before. Of how I drank way more coffee each day than normal to assure absolute alertness during such long days of computer time. And of all the many, many, many notes I have to sort through.

Maybe I will, one day, as I continue to process and apply all I learned. But for now I’ll just say this: I’m grateful. So, so grateful. For the generosity of such a dear friend. For God giving me just what I needed at just the right time. For the whole staff of Realm Makers for working so unbelievably hard to still make a magical experience no matter what the world is going through.

Life is hard, but God is good, and it is through stories that I remember these ultimate truths.

As N.D. Wilson said near the end of his keynote, we should work to be faithful as a sub-creator, but ultimately work to be a faithful character in God’s story. And that is my hope for the rest of this year. To be a faithful daughter to God, no matter the hardships.

Realm Makers 2020 was certainly different. But it was just what I needed right when I needed it, and for that I am so, so grateful.

LET’S TALK!

Share with me your thoughts, elflings! Have you attended a virtual writers conference? How has this year been for you? Honestly? I have been praying for you all as we slog through these hardships, and it is my greatest hope these last few months will be much brighter. So, come! Let’s chat for a while and share our thoughts—the joyful and the hard.