Light, Hope, & Adaptability // Reflecting on 2020 & Embracing 2021

A most happy 2021, dear friends! I have at long last returned from my hiatus and am thrilled to be back into the world of blogging. How I missed it and chatting with you all!

We’ve made it, guys. 2020 is behind us and we’re now a full month into 2021. Honestly, it feels rather surreal. 2020 felt like some purgatory state that would last for eternity. My brain is still struggling to retain that fact that is in, in fact, no longer 2020. And though sometimes it did feel like some messed up, purgatorial, YA dystopian novel…I learned so much. For all of December and January my head has been near to bursting with reflections.

So today I hope you don’t mind if I indulge in those a bit. Grab your beverage of choice and maybe a cookie or two and let’s talk life and everything in between!

A DASH OF NEWNESS

First order of business, you may have noticed things look a smidgen different ‘round here. Though I was pretty quiet for the month of January, I was not idle. Like I said, January was a month of reflection, and also change. I’ve changed quite a few things on the blog and across my social media. Nothing drastic. Just some tweaks to more refine my brand. (And on that note, if anything looks wonky on your end, please, please do let me know!)

For a good while now I’ve been wanting to refine my brand, and after an insanely good and helpful session C.J. Redwine did on marketing and branding during last year’s virtual Realm Makers, I finally felt equipped to do just that. I always struggle with matching my brand to my books as I, erm, well, I REALLY like pink and frills. But those things do not reflect my books in any form or fashion. I think people who read my novels are always surprised at how dark and intense they can get, since I’m pretty sure I put off a pink fluffy unicorn/Disney princess/hearts and kitties persona. (But hey, I can write dark stories and wear pink frilly skirts at the same time!) Regardless, I wanted to clean things up around here, find a more consistent look across my platforms, AND hone in on a brand that reflects me and my books.

And it all came down to my new tagline…

Bright Words In Darkened Worlds.

If anything reflects my stories, it is that. It seems every single novel I write has a particular theme in common—the light of hope in the midst of darkness. Often my worlds are dark, ugly, dangerous places. My villains rarely hold back, my protagonists suffer immeasurable pains. But through it all? Through it all there is always LIGHT. “The stars shine brightest when the night is darkest” encompasses my stories best. Through the darkened worlds threads of hope are weaved with bright words. That has truly always been my goal with writing—to reflect God’s light in the dark.

But not just with my stories.

If any times have felt dark, it is these days. And I’m tired of dwelling on that. I’m tired of complaining and wallowing in the hard time. Instead, I want to CHOOSE JOY. Just because the calendar changed doesn’t mean 2021 will be magically better than 2020. I can’t change that. But, this time, I can change how I handle it.

Words can be the most beautiful, powerful things we’re equipped with on this earth. Or just the opposite. I fear often my words can be caustic, pessimistic things.

Thus one of my greatest hopes for this year are to use my words to not aid in bringing darkness to this difficult world we live in, but to reflect God’s HOPE, His LIGHT. Not just with my novels, with all my words, whether through storytelling, blogging, verbally, etc.

So this is me. Or, more accurately, what I hope to be: Bright words in darkened worlds.

But what if 2021 proves to be even darker than 2020? What if harder times hit?

IN WHICH 2020 HAPPENED

If 2020 taught me anything, it’s that a wholesome mental state comes from BALANCE. Which is…kind of obvious, but my workaholic self tends to ignore these practical things.

I jumped into 2020 with a big ol’ list of lofty, overwhelming goals and determination to complete them all. When March came and next thing I knew I was stuck at home for the unforeseeable future, my workaholic brain was like, “Well, now you can do ALL THE THINGS and MORE because you have endless free time.” (And there may have been an evil laugh tossed in there somewhere.) I nodded along and proceeded to spend March, April, May, and June querying, blogging a lot, keeping up with Instagram, doing major, major rewrites on a novel, beta reading a couple of things, writing some Faylinn short stories, joining in April’s Camp NaNo, reading and reviewing so many books, etc., etc. Which all sounds great, doesn’t it?

Except for the fact that I was losing. my. mind.

This stuff is all well and good when you’re in a healthy state of mind. But when you’re an extrovert stuck in the house endlessly and worried about the state of the world, heartbroken that you can’t work at your beloved bookshop anymore, not to mention quite a bit of other personal life stress going on, pushing yourself to the breaking point is not good.

I found my joy had begun to slip away. Without realizing it, I had become a robot—constantly working, but with no life in it. My creativity was next to zilch. Every single thing I did, from blog posts, to rewrites, down to something as simple as an Instagram caption felt like pulling teeth, every word dry and agonizing to drag out of myself. Suddenly this life of writing was nothing but a burden, draining me day by day by endless day.

All the joy was gone. And I was tired. So, so tired.

By June I had had enough. I knew I had to make a change. Life was, clearly, not going to change. But I could. It’s not like I had deadlines nagging at me. Everything I did was in MY power.

So in July I decided to step back from quite a lot of things, and even went as far as to write a list of fun things to do so I wouldn’t 1.) be tempted to keep working or 2.) flit away the month (two things I’m terribly prone to do).

July proved to be one of the best months all year.

I breathed again. I found myself enjoying life. And I discovered that I was coming back to myself. July also had something extra special: Virtual Realm Makers! Spending three days immersed with fellow writers and learning from such amazing authors and professionals brought back that spark of excitement for storytelling again. I talked about the conference experience in THIS POST, so I won’t repeat all of that, but it was really the beginning of change for me.

The second half of 2020 found a much happier Christine than the first half.

I knew I couldn’t go back to the drained, depressed state I had been in. So I allowed myself more days off, allowed a more lax schedule, took more time to do fun things like movie watching and video game playing (the latter of which I had practically given up for a good decade now, always thinking I “don’t have time” for video games).

And, miracle of miracles, I still stayed productive and on top of things. Which, of course, is how it works. Productivity is so much easier when you’ve also, ya know, given your poor brain a break. (But, again, my workaholic mind chooses to forget such practical, helpful facts.)

Through August and the following months, I managed to finish rewrites of The Nether Isle without too much trouble, hand wrote a flash fiction piece just for fun, and, all the while, a new story idea was heavily brewing in the back of my mind.

I was finding balance and joy in the writing life again. And just life in general.

Then NaNoWriMo began to approach, and that new story idea insisted, under no uncertain terms, that I’d be writing it for November. And I felt more excited about this story than anything I had written in years. This book, of course, was Dusk’s Broken Shadows. But the slightest trepidation kept niggling the back of my mind. It had been such a dry year of creativity, could I really spend thirty full days writing a ginormous novel? Would it just drain me more?

On the one hand, I was thrilled to have something that would fill the humdrum days that 2020 had become. On the other hand, what if it was grueling?

All the fears flitted away by literally the first day of NaNo. Somehow I pounded out 9k words in the most glorious, exhilarating state; possibly one of the greatest writing days in my near 20 years of writing. And the rest of the month proved to be just as magical. I always adore NaNo, but this was something different. The plot, the characters, the themes—they were everything I needed. And in an euphoric 25 days, I wrote the entire story and felt…full. Sometimes NaNo can be prettyyy draining. But this time? This time it brought me back to myself.

It was then that I realized: I had been missing so much of myself. For years, actually, without even realizing it.

I thought about my teenage and early 20s self, and how excited she’d get, obsessed even, over a new story idea. Though, yes, I still get pretty happy over starting a new story, it hasn’t been the same. Not for many years now. That childlike wonder, that freedom of creativity, got dulled somewhere along the way, and it wasn’t until, of all times, living through 2020 that I had even realized it was gone.

I really had fallen into a robot-like state. All work work work without the thrill of life. But during the second half of 2020, the old Christine slowly began to return, and by NaNoWriMo I felt like her again. While, at the same time, like a new person. A, hopefully, better person.

REFLECTIONS

2020 was a hard year, one of the hardest I’ve ever experienced. And yet? And yet it taught me so much.

I think in all the bustle of life, I didn’t realize I’ve been missing a part of myself. I had to slow down, to really reflect on my life, to reach out to God to find that JOY of life again. Because I am not a robot, I am a God-breathed human being, and it’s OKAY to just have fun sometimes.

The most hilarious part of all of this is that playing video games is what really brought the realizations about. Yes, video games. One of the greatest highlights of my 2020? Playing through Kingdom Hearts 3 (which is, in fact, the 12th-ish(??) game in the series…don’t ask). I’ve been obsessed with the Kingdom Hearts games since the first one came out in 2002 (yeah, it’s been a while). Which, coincidentally, is around the time I was really getting into writing. I think playing these (many) games throughout most of my life has been a big influence on my love for storytelling. But I also love so many others games. With a big gamer as an older brother, video games have just been a major part of my entire life.

But, alas, as life got busier, I near about gave up playing them, never able to justify spending valuable time doing such a thing.

Then, ya know, 2020 hit. And it seemed everyone was trying to find things to occupy their time. As I attempted to think of some fun things to do for myself come the second half of the year (that didn’t involve work), I turned to an old love: video games. I had no idea that was exactly what I needed. Having a both interactive and relaxing activity was just the thing my tired, stressed brain needed. And something about it tapped into the old Christine. The teenage Christine that just loved to create and got so excited over the smallest of things, before adulthood dulled her.

Playing Kingdom Hearts 3 especially helped, because not only was a revisiting some of my favorite, beloved characters, it was also, unknowingly, helping me plot what would become Dusk’s Broken Shadows. I had kind of wanted this story to be Kingdom Hearts-esque already, and playing through a KH game gave me SO MUCH inspiration. I’m not sure DBS would be what it is if I hadn’t taken some time out this year to play through KH3. And writing DBS brought me so much joy. Basically, it was a happy domino effect.

But more than that, playing games made me realize taking time to do fun things IS PERFECTLY OKAY. I had mostly given up video games because I figured I could be using my time better elsewhere. Which, yeah, is true sometimes. BUT. As people we need to find hobbies to relax our brains, and as writers pretty much every single thing we do in life enhances our storytelling skills. So many video games through the years, Kingdom Hearts especially, have inspired me with my writing. We don’t have to be writing in order to enhance our craft. Just LIVING is how we grow in telling good stories. From something as big as traveling across the world to as small as playing a video game—these are the things that help us become better writers. In fact, I wrote a whole Instagram post on this very subject a few months again.

We tend to feel guilty when we’re not writing. But LIVING enhances our writing, and we should never, ever feel ashamed about that.

I honestly think God wanted me to play Kingdom Hearts 3 during 2020. Which may sound like the most absurd thing in the world. But you know what? He doesn’t want us in constant robotic work states. Yes, He wants us to live fulfilling lives and not while away our time, but there is BALANCE in that. He took the 7th day to rest for a reason—because He knew we need rest. It was when I finally began to slow down during the second half of 2020 that I found myself coming back to Him.

God can speak to us through stories of any kind, even video games. (In fact, the whole theme of the Kingdom Hearts games is light in the darkness…there could be a reason that’s such an important topic to me. *sheepish grin*) And He wants us to relax and have fun now and again. Having fun is not a sin (I mean, ya know, as long as it’s not a sinful act of fun). God takes joy in our joy.

Structure and to-do lists are all well and good, but if it’s taking us away from living and enjoying this one life God gave us? Then something needs to change.

A WORD FOR 2021

Each year I always choose a word to live by, something to focus on and grow in as the days pass by. Intentional, Brave, and Peace have been my words for the past 3 years. But for 2021, I’ve chosen a word a little bit different…

ADAPTABLE

That is my greatest goal for this year: to become adaptable.

This may seem a bit backward from most people’s goals. Usually goals are to help us become more structured and focused, which are GREAT. But 2020, and really the past few years, taught me we can go too far with it. Or, at least, I certainly can. Don’t get my wrong, structure and to-do lists give me LIFE. I’d pretty much lose my mind without them. And, over the past few years, I’ve refined my schedule and lists and workload, and that’s not something I want to lose.

But me being my obsessed, workaholic self, I’ve realized I’ve become a slave to being productive. I tend to let my to-do lists sway my life far more than God. Which, obviously, is a PROBLEM.

So I’m not going to do a blog post of my yearly goals like I usually do. I do, in fact, have a list, and still have quite a few lofty things I’d like to accomplish. BUT I’m not holding myself to them, and I don’t want to announce them and feel that pressure that I HAVE to get them done. I think I did a lot last year that I probably should have let rest until I was in a better state of mind, but since I told the whole world those were my goals, I felt this needless pressure to accomplish them, instead of just finding joy and letting God lead my days.

I have this ridiculous notion that if I write a thing on a list IT MUST BE DONE OR ELSE. Instead of just, ya know, living. 2020 clearly showed us that we can’t prepare for everything. Life and circumstances change, and we have to change with it. But, man, I struggle with that. Every day I wake up and plan out what I’m going to accomplish that day, and if one tiny thing butts into those plans, I become a total grump. I truly do let my tasks enslave me, for absolutely no reason. If I don’t get a blog post done on the day I had planned, there is always tomorrow. My life isn’t going anywhere, as far as I know, and getting upset over plans changing is just a waste of mental energy.

I just need to LIVE.

Creatives need adaptability. A schedule is great, but sometimes we have to go where creativity sparks, to shift and change as our muse does. Some of the best, most fun writing I did last year was completely spontaneously handwriting a flash fiction piece. I want to do more of that. To just let inspiration take me where it will, even if it’s off the track of my goals and schedules. I think that’s where I get my best stories.

I want to enjoy being a writer again. Somewhere along the way, I’ve turned this life of writing into a chore. Though, yes, there will always be days where we just have to sit down and do the thing, even if it’s grueling. That’s just a part of the creative life. But if there are never any days of joy, what’s the point? I love storytelling. I love blogging and immersing with fellow book-lovers on social media. I love creating stories. Is it hard keeping up with things? Yes. Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY. But I fear I keep forgetting that, and making something joyful into a grueling day job.

Again, I’m not giving up my schedules and lists. Those things keep me sane and actually give me more brain space. But what I do want to give up is being so honed in on them I miss out on LIFE.

As I reflected on last year, an astounding realization came: The days where I wasn’t productive were the days I now look most fondly on. And the months like April and May where I was insanely productive, I kind of regret. I have this terrible sickness where I feel so deeply guilty when I’m not working (thus the whole giving up video games and such). I have in my head that I am just worthless and wasting time if I’m not doing something productive every day, if I’m not keeping up with all the things at all times. But God didn’t create me to sit in front of a screen for all the days of my life. Again I say: Having fun is not a sin.

Somehow it took 2020 for me to realize this. All those days I spent having movie marathons with my sister? The many, many hours I poured into Kingdom Hearts 3? The TV shows I went through? The 50 books I read? I don’t feel a lick of guilt about any of it. I’m glad I did those things. They were the things that kept me sane. It was the overworking days that I feel like should have been handled better.

NOW. I’m not saying we should spend our lives indulging in laziness. I find if I spend too much time not being productive, I actually get depressed.

It’s all in the balance.

Every part of our lives needs balance. Work and play especially.

And that’s why I want to be more adaptable this year. I want to accomplish things, but not to the point that I am enslaved to these the empty check boxes of a to-do list. I want to make more time for play, to see my family more, to not get upset when my plans for the day derail and I have to put off a task for another time. I want to bring freedom to my creativity.

That is my goal for 2021 and my plan for fighting back the darkness.

Somehow 2020 both brought me back to my old self and created a new me. I know I’ll fail a lot. I know I’ll end up overworking myself some days and probably not do enough other days. I know just because 2020 is over doesn’t mean life will magically be better. I am still jobless, still trying to not leave the house, and have endless unknowns ahead. But God is still there. He is my rock and anchor. He has my future, and that is the most comforting, hopeful truth I will ever need.

So here we are, 2021. I pray this will be a year of forever seeking adaptability, hope, and light.

I think I’m ready.

Good gracious, so sorry for the monstrosity that is this post. I just had far too many thoughts! 2020 gave me too much to think about, clearly. XD BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME. I want to hear from you guys, because, goodness, how I have missed our delightful conversations in the comments. So tell me all! How has 2021 treated you so far? What are your hopes for this year? What’s something you’re looking forward to? Anything I can pray for you about as we dive into this year?

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Issabelle P.
February 1, 2021 9:37 AM

YESSSSS CHRISTINE IS BACK!!!!!!!!!! *pumps fist in the air* It’s good to have you back!! I hope you enjoyed your hiatus, though!!!! Well, things have actually been going really well for me!! My blog is almost at fifty followers (just need three more *crossing fingers*), I’ve got a short story that’s gonna be published in a teen anthology, and have changed my blogging name, so this is Maggie if you didn’t know. XD What’s really cool, is that this past month I’ve also been thinking a lot about some of these things. I’ve realized that I don’t want to only spend the rest of my life behind my computer screen but to go out there and live like you had said!!!!!!! (Also, I don’t mind your long posts!! They’re SUPER FUN to read through!!!!!!!) The new changes around here look AH-MAY-ZHING!!!!!!!

Joy Caroline
February 1, 2021 11:25 AM

Yay you’re back! And this post brought you back with a bang. XD
I thought this was a wonderful post and really enjoyed reading it. All your thoughts were so, so beautiful! I completely agree, having fun is not a sin as long as it’s not a sinful act of fun.
Life is going pretty good over here 😀 I’m loving the writing life, and I’m so glad I started my blog. It’s brought me so much joy, and it’s really fun to connect with others.
Also, I love your new tagline. My books also have the theme of dark and light, and I think it’s a really beautiful theme. I love how your tagline reflects that!

Maya Joelle
February 1, 2021 11:29 AM

I adore your new tagline. Seriously. I saw it and was like “why didn’t I think of that first?” XD No hard feelings, though: ’tis truly gorgeous and it just makes me want to read your books more.

I’m glad you had a good January and I’m looking forward to more posts! Your blog always makes me smile 🙂

Diamond
February 1, 2021 12:03 PM

Wonderful post! You remind me of one of my best friends. Light in the dark is such a great theme for life and stories.

I took a long time off writing (like…3 years), and I decided to make 2021 my writing year. And so I had all these expectations of myself like, “It’s been so long, I need to make up for lost time.” and “I’m going to write multiple drafts of like, 3 novels this year!”
Thus, I’ve been really stressed out over writing this month. And I feel that my writing sucks now, because I’ve taken so long off…
Which leaves me here. I don’t want writing to be a chore, but I still do enjoy it. I just need to kind of shift my expectations and lighten the load. Writing is not my job, so it shouldn’t feel like a job.

Anyway, this post was somewhat motivating to me. So, now I feel that my perspective had gotten a little better.

(Sorry for leaving such a long first comment!)

Eleanor
Eleanor
February 1, 2021 1:22 PM

YESSS I’m so excited you’re back! And your new design is BEAUTIFUL. Can’t wait to see more amazing words from you <3 <3 <3

Lemon Duck
February 1, 2021 1:53 PM

Yay!! I’m glad you had a good break! And I’m glad the reflections of 2020 helped kick you back into something more peaceful! I hope 2021 goes well for you as well!

Ally M.J.
Ally M.J.
February 1, 2021 2:25 PM

AHH CHRISTINE WELCOME BACK!!
2021… *takes deep, dramatic breath* …I don’t know, it’s pretty mediocre so far. Not much “WOW!” for me personally. My days are sorta blurring together, and I’m living it up as much as I can. I actually don’t really like to *go* places, and being with a lot of people irl zaps my energy. So my days are mostly walking around in my garage, in circles, and playing music way too loudly. My hopes for this year is that God will tell me or slip me hints on what he wants me to do. I’ve been having a lot of thoughts on North Korea lately, but I’m not sure if that’s me or if that’s Him. My brother just turned 17 yesterday, so that was fun.
Anyway enough about little ol’ me. CHRISTINE! Amazing post! It gave me a lot to think about, and now I also want to go and get this video game of yours and see what’s up. I LOVE the changes you made! No, i more than love them, I ADORE them. Welcome back!

The Maple Quill
February 1, 2021 2:42 PM

*waves a tad shyly* Hiiiiiiiii. I found and followed (and have been binge-reading) your blog a couple of days ago, and was waiting for your next post so I could introduce myself – so hello there, I’m Maple ^-^.
I gotta say – you’ve quickly become one of my favourite bloggers. You have so much energy and such a light that spreads all over the page ^-^. But more than that, we’re actually super similar? O-o Like- to an almost startling degree. I am also a rare extroverted writer, and ALSO an ENFJ. Homeschooled my whole schooled life, and my first not-school-initiated story was also a horse story when I was also 9 or 10 (- but let’s not talk about that one… might as well have been titled Cringe xD) and I also fell in love with fantasy a bit later and that’s /also/ my main genre – though I also dabble in a lot of different genres. Andddd I’m ALSO pursuing traditional publishing – though I haven’t done any of the /pursuing/ part and am currently just dreaming. xD. (It was actually rather refreshing to find out you’re doing trad because most of my internet circle is or is going indie.) AND – why is this at the end of the list – most importantly, I’m also a Christian! :3 As is probably the majority of your following. xD. But I’m always happy to find other Christian writers ^-^ *bounces*
Anyway- I just knew I HAD to say hi because we’re so similar!!

I checked out and fell in love with your Nano project toooo! Mostly because I do ballet and like- MAGIC BALLET?? WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT! It’s such a cool concepttttt. *cue fangirling*
(also i was also stewing on my own nano project for the whole year before writing it this november but really this is getting weird (and a lil obscure) with all the similarities i should stop)

I love your word for this year! I’ve also (oh hey another also) been working on balancing writing life and other life and God in a healthy way – workaholic buddies toooo – and I liked the way you framed that balance here.
This is a humongous comment (longwinded, that’s me) so I’ll stop here (also mostly because I’m running out of things to say even though I want to go on for everrr D:) but HELLO! I’m happy to have found you!! ^-^ *bounces*

~ Maple

The Maple Quill
February 1, 2021 7:26 PM

You should see the grin on MY face xDD your response made me so happy to readdd!! I’m definitely Dug too xDD I was trying not to be too too enthusiastically overbearing xDD.

EXTROVERTED WRITERS UNITE! xD Yesss. *bounces* This IS the best! xD. And yeah, absolutely no shade to indie at alll but I also think trad is a better fit for me, hehe. ^-^ *bounces*

I dooooo! :D. 11 years now. It really is <3. (Yes xD and I’m glad they did!)

Exactly xDD. I wrote a whole novella last summer whose theme ended up being all about rest and Psalm 46:10 (the ‘be still and know’ one). There’s always something to be working on and towards!

Funny you say that xD I am self-dubbed Queen Maple the Longwinded (you know, like Narnia) and my whole writing group agrees xD. I just go onnnn. But the funny thing is- I’m an underwriter somehow? xD So I’m decent at brevity in my drafts (makes for 30k Nanos *eye roll*) but like- nowhere else. Go figure xD
I’m so glad I commented too!! ^-^ It was lovely to meet youu <333

Maple
February 2, 2021 3:29 PM

It is funny like that xD. It was gonna be on control (and surrendering it), which is another thing I need to work on xD, but rest ended up working better. They definitely do that to me toooo. Writing is the most magical thing ever ^-^.

xDD *bows* thank you. I find it works like that – underwriters envy overwriters and vice versa. I’m an overachiever and I want all the words but no :[ takes so much workkk

Jameson C. Smith
February 1, 2021 2:47 PM

Your new theme and author tagline are SO GREAT. Seriously, “bright words in darkened worlds” just makes my heart happy and it is so very YOU. Love it! Your words on your blog and social media are always so encouraging and thoughtful, and I can’t wait to someday read that brightness shining in your books!

Yeah…2020 was not an easy year, and I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be for an extrovert! I’m hopeful that 2021 will be a little easier, though.

“Adaptable” is a great word for the year! I love what you said about balance and living. It’s so true! I had to reevaluate what that looked like last year as well, and while I’ve a long way to go, I can look back and see where those little steps did make a difference in my writing, and life in general. I took Sundays off from all writing stuff (except for November and December), which was helpful, and ended up being very low-tech days too, since I was less likely to be on my computer if I wasn’t writing. It’s a habit I’m hoping to continue in 2021 as well.

I hope 2021 is full of creativity and rest and lovely adventures for you, dear!

McKayla
February 1, 2021 2:51 PM

CHRISTINE, YAY, YOU’RE BACK! *squeals*
Okay, first can I just say I ADORE your new profile picture and blog theme?
Also, I love this post! I definitely need to work on resting more and taking more breaks. I did work on some of that last year (still feels weird calling 2020 last year), but I could still get better.
I’ve heard so much about the Kingdom Hearts games, but I haven’t played them. Now you’ve made me even more interested in them.

Samantha
February 1, 2021 4:46 PM

CHRISTINE! YOU’RE BACK! I missed your enthusiastic presence in the blogosphere!

I love your new look, and your new tagline! So perfect!

I really enjoyed all your thoughts on lists/perfectionism/workaholicness. I’m the same way about lists–they must. get. done. (Although the number of books I read per month does speak to the fact that I do take time to do fun things some of the time. XD) Some days, getting a lot of things done does actually make me feel good, other days…I wish I had stopped and belted out songs with my siblings, or hung out with our goats, or whatever. And don’t get me started about how stuck I get in my schedule…the reminder that *being adaptable is good* was really on time today, so, thank you!

I love, love, love that you found joy in video games this year! I actually played through an entire video game this year, too (Ori and the Blind Forest–would highly recommend) and it gave me the BEST feeling of accomplishment, but ALSO was so restful in such a weird way. XD I don’t think we hear about writers/readers/actually women in general? playing video games for fun often enough.

2021 so far has actually been strange, because I’ve been busy with school, but haven’t really done anything exciting…I should probably fix that at some point. XD
In terms of what I’m looking forward this year, I’m looking forward to going to college! I’m actually going to hear from my top college about their admissions decision later this month (so, if you wanted to pray for that, I would be grateful. :))…I’m quite nervous! But I do have a good backup plan if I don’t get in there…so whatever happens, I’m really excited to start that episode of my life this fall!
I’m also looking forward to watching more Marvel! My sister and I got into the MCU in December, and we’ve already watched 9.5 out of the main 20 movies, and I’m loving every second! I’m looking forward to finishing the ones that are out, AND seeing the Black Widow movie that’s coming out in May!

Wow, that was a long comment! I hope your 2021 continues to go well!

Victoria
Victoria
February 1, 2021 5:57 PM

WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Alert the press ’cause CHRISTINE IS BACK!!! XD And wow. There’s just SOOOO much to talk about!

So first, I LOVE your new look!!!! And your tagline!!! And your new picture!!!!!! And, and, and lemme just say when I first saw it I was bouncing with excitement!!!! IT’S ALL SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! <33333

Also, everything you said about balancing work and play is SO true. Sometimes I’ll work for a long time without stopping to chill for a while and, like you said, it can be REALLY exhausting! So thank you a HUNDRED TIMES over for that reminder!!!!! Reading that helped me a ton! 😀

ANYWAY, 2021 has been pretty good so far! In fact, *whispers* the blogosphere is gonna have a new participant soon! I started setting up a blog recently and am planning to (hopefully) get it up and running in a few weeks! So I’m pretty excited about that!!! XD Also, if you have any tips on blogging that you’d want to share, I’m all ears! This is SUPER new to me and I could use all the advice I can get! (Only if you want to, of course!) 😉

Soooo, I guess that’s about it! It’s SO ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL to have you back, girl! (I gotta say, was looking forward to this post all day!) XD

Jen
Jen
February 1, 2021 9:45 PM

AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! MY CHRISTINE IS BACK!!!!!! *glomps* And oh my goodness!!!! Adhkjgjalkdajf!!! I LOVE this post! *huggles it* All of it is so beautiful and true and everything that I’ve been thinking as well. ^_^ How did you do that? How did you take my vague thoughts and feelings and put them into such a beautiful, thoughtful post? *flails* And I ADORE your new tagline and your blog’s look! Gorgeous!!! <333 ^_^ Adaptability is such a good word. ^_^ And EEEEE!!! I have to squeal over Kingdom Hearts!!!! I am so, so happy it helped you reawaken the old Christine. *hugs* Letting myself play and dream again is something I'm learning to do. I spent 2020 just writing, with a bit of reading thrown in, and I barely let myself play any games, I didn't even do any of my other hobbies or crafts. On the one hand, I love that I accomplished so much writing-wise, on the other, I missed doing everything else. So, I don't necessarily regret doing so much writing, but I am definitely changing some things this year, (I already completed a beaded bookmark! :D) and will be making more time for my baking and crafting. As for how January went, well, I wrote almost 5k words on Roses, Thorns, and Curses for King's Daughter's Writing Camp, and I've read 13 books (O.O how? I do not know… I don't even feel like I've read that many. O.o) and I baked several batches of cookies and did some bead crafting. Even though that makes it sound like January was super busy and maybe stressful, it actually wasn't? Most everything was actually peaceful and I felt like I had unwound some from the ball of stress I was starting to become. And now that I said that, here's my 2021 goals that make me sound like a workaholic. XD

Read 75 books (at least, lokey hoping on 100)
Write the first draft Roses, Thorns, and Curses, its sequel, and More Than a Dream
Begin writing the sequel to my Epic Fantasy series
Make 10 crafts
Bake at least once a month
I also want to work on my blogging and IG schedule, both of which have been severely lacking lately… XD

I'm hoping that by seemingly overreaching, I can at least get most of it. But we'll see how this works and what I will have to change for next year. ;D I've found if I don't plan for anything, I get nothing done, but if I shoot for the stars, maybe I can at least hit the moon. XD

Anyway, I am so happy you're back to blogging and am so excited for Mondays! ^_^ <333 (And seriously, love this post so much! <333)

Jenelle
February 1, 2021 10:36 PM

So happy you’re back! Reading blogs is one of those things I love and let go last year… and I missed it. And I missed YOU, dear friend.

YES.

Everything about this post. Just… echoes the cry of my heart.

Finding balance between getting things done and LIVING. It’s been a struggle. I definitely let it get out of whack pre-2020, and then 2020 itself was… in many ways… swinging the pendulum back the other way to where I got NOTHING done and felt overwhelmed and discouraged about life, the universe, and everything.

2021 isn’t looking like it’ll be much different in terms of life, the universe, and everything… but I am choosing JOY as well. I am letting myself chill a little, but I’m also trying to be disciplined and actually get some things done. I need to work at a slower pace, give myself time to LIVE and enjoy my family… but I also need to get some things done or I’ll sink back into that black hole of despair again, and that’s not good either. Balance. It’s a tricky thing to find. It’s even a tricky thing to maintain. So it’s a good thing I’m not doing it on my own power.

God really pulled me closer to Himself this past year. In many ways, we had it pretty good. Derek losing his job was rough, but it was also very temporary, and I don’t know why God gave us a way out of that difficulty when so many of my friends and family are still stuck there, and some have been for years, even before 2020. I don’t know. But I am grateful. I’m more grateful at the things He taught me through it, like trust, and how not to focus on the storm (not that I’m good at it, by any stretch of the imagination), and a reignited love of reading His Words and studying them.

I, too, felt creatively dry all year last year. Many times I just couldn’t be bothered to care. But I felt like I heard God calling to my heart through all of the drought of creativity, reminding me that in times of darkness and night, stories and songs and creativity are most needed. I find that encouraging.

I love your new tagline! It’s so beautiful. And I like all the subtle changes around here, too.

Jenelle
February 2, 2021 9:51 PM

I love that idea of writing out blessings from each month of 2020. We started keeping a “thankfulness” jar in March during the lockdowns, and continued through about June, but then we kind of fell out of the habit. Around Thanksgiving, we pulled them out of the jar and glued them to a poster, and it was neat to see the things we’d been thankful for in the midst of that time.

Nicole Dust
February 2, 2021 9:28 AM

CHRISTINE!!!! YOU’RE BACK!!!! *hugs* (I’m loving your new branding changes – they fit so well! :D)

Your reflections for the year are absolutely beautiful, and I love what you said about just LIVING and enjoying the writing process! That’s something I definitely need to keep in mind for 2021 as well. <3

Becky
February 2, 2021 11:03 PM

I know what you mean about putting waaay too much pressure on yourself. Sometimes it’s important to cut back. I love your blog redesign!

Tracey Dyck
February 4, 2021 9:04 PM

THIS POST.

THIS.

POST.

You were so right in that comment on my blog that we’re on the same brainwave, because I was nodding along to all of this! That feeling of missing a part of yourself, realizing that you don’t have to be enslaved to a to-do list or some arbitrary set of goals, learning to relax and actually have FUN again… Yep.

And what you said about not regretting those fun days, but rather the days you OVERworked–that hit me! It’s so true. I don’t feel good about the days I push myself to the point of exhaustion, but I cherish the memories I make when I decide to get out from behind the screen and do something for the fun of it.

Such a beautiful post, Christine! Thank you for sharing all these thoughts! And I pray you have an amazing, blessed year. <333

Tracey Dyck
February 4, 2021 9:04 PM
Reply to  Tracey Dyck

P.S. (again, because I keep hitting “post” too soon) – I ADORE YOUR NEW BLOG LOOK AND TAGLINE.

There. That is all. ^_^

Skye
February 4, 2021 9:34 PM

I love the new look! You’re basically Mabel, and it’s amazing cuz I love her!!
You give off all the rainbow and glitter vibes but there’s always a bit of spooky, darkness in your stories and it’s brilliant!

I’m so glad you took a breath in the second half of 2020 and let yourself breathe. I fall into the perfectionist workaholic grind sometimes too, and it completely zaps your creativity.
I always feel like if I write something down I have to do it or else too.
I like that your keeping your goals to yourself so the pressure isn’t there. You need that!
I hope 2021 is beautiful and magical for you!!
<3

Emily Grant
February 7, 2021 12:25 AM

CHRISTIINE WELCOME BACK! *confetti* I missed your posts but I hope you had the loveliest of hiatuses!

I LOVE your new design and THAT TAGLINE. I just love it so much.

Choosing joy is so important and definitely something I struggle with. Like you said, sometimes we just need to find the childlike wonder of life again. I think we lose so much of that as we get older, which sounds like it should be unavoidable… But it doesn’t need to be. We can absolutely still feel the passion we once knew.

“Adaptable” is a GREAT word for the year! And it’s something I’m working on in myself. Like you said, structure and lists and goals are awesome. Couldn’t make it without them. But sometimes they don’t man out like you’d hoped… And you just have to learn to adapt. If we kick ourselves constantly for “failing” instead of allowing ourselves to learn and be moldable, we’ll just always feel miserable whenever something doesn’t go as planned. I never would have come up with the word “adaptable” myself… But it perfectly goes along with what I’ve been learning lately.

Loved reading these reflections, Christine! Praying for a wonderful year for you! <3

theonesthatreallymatter.blogspot.com

Miranda
February 8, 2021 11:15 PM

You know what? I wouldn’t change a thing about this long post. Every little word was amazing and it was so worth it reading all about your reflections. I love your new goal for 2021 and your banding is awesome. And also this whole post is encouraging and inspiring for my own goals for this year.
I have a goal with finishing my novel this year, but right now it is so hard to see that I can.
I also want to be more intentional with blog reading. It takes up a time of time and I’m trying to find ways that I can better give to them without eating up nearly my whole day. I remove email subscriptions for blogs I wasn’t as interested in I am with others, and while it was good for me to do so, it still hurt.
And I really want to focus on my study so I can get it done this year but also not burn out on it like last year and not work as hard on it at the end of the year cause it was just exhausting. And also not get so distracted while doing study. That happened way too much times. -_-

Victoria Grace Howell
February 15, 2021 7:07 PM

Finding a balance was definitely crucial for getting through last year. I actually found myself leaning on my books more because I just wanted to escape from the crazy world. I’m so glad. You finally got to play KH3! Kingdom Hearts games are such light in the darkness. They make me smile with all the wholesomeness. You need to play Final Fantasy XV. You’d love those bros so much.https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/13.0.1/svg/2764.svg Regarding prayer, I’d really like some prayers for direction since January landed me with two big bouts of bad news and I’m now I’m trying to figure out how to deal with those in the coming year. XD

Victoria Grace Howell
February 16, 2021 3:20 PM

Oh, I totally understand! That was me with King’s Quest!

Knowing you, you’ll adore the game. Like you’re gonna fall in love with the boys. <3 Make that one of your 2021 goals. 😀 Their relationship is so amazing and the plot is mindblowing.

Thank you for your prayers.