Welcome, welcome, to the 74th annual Hunger Gaaames! …Oh. Wait, wait! *squints at card* Whoopsie. Totally read that wrong. Let’s try this again. AHEM. Welcome to the next round of The Silmaril Awards! Which is a much nicer game, I promise.

Last week we asked you to nominate and second your favorite fantasy literary characters in ten categories and, boy, did you amazing people deliver! We got a ton of nominations. I absolutely loved seeing the enthusiasm for so many great fantasy characters (and being reminded about how many fantasy books I’ve yet to read but desperately need to *cough, cough*).

This week it is time to reveal who made it into the top five and vote for which of the five will get one of the coveted silmarils!

I, of course, am hosting the Least Competent Henchman award and apparently that means I had to house every single one of the nominees for this award. (Thanks for failing to tell me in advance, guys.) Thankfully, I can send them all away except for the top five and—

*crash*

Oh, not again! Just a moment. *disappears behind stage curtain*

What are you guys doing this time? Stop! I told you you can’t us the pool for a cauldron!

No, get out of the shoe closet. Seriously, none of the shoes will get you a prince. That’s just absurd.

Hey! Stop shooting arrows at me! At least you’re a bad shot…

*staggers back on stage* Ahem. So. Where were we? Ah yes, announcing the top five nominees. Right. Let’s hurry up and get on that before—

*KA-BLOOM*

*eye twitches* I’m just gonna…ignore that. *strains to smile while straightening cards*

TOP 5 NOMINEES

Alrighty! The five Least Competent Henchmen who have made it to the voting round aaaare…

• Puzzle from The Chronicles of Narnia: The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis

Puzzle is a fitting name for this talking donkey, as life definitely seems to be a confusing puzzle for the poor dear. Not always one to do much thinking, and perhaps not the best judgment in friends, he gets himself in quite a predicament when he lets the crafty ape Shift talk him into posing as Aslan. But, deep down, Puzzle knew what he did was wrong and, in the end, made the right decision and chose to follow the real Aslan. As such, he was definitely not a competent henchman to Shift…thank goodness.

“Let’s meet the donkey himself! Come on out, Puzzle sweetie!”

A snout appears on stage right.

I wave him over encouragingly. “Come on, it’s all right.”

The donkey slowly appears and clomps over to me. “This seems…familiar.” His ears swivel as he eyes his surroundings warily.

I grin. “Yes, you are quite the popular little donkey. Maybe this year will be the year you win!”

“Oh…” He droops his head. “I’d rather just go eat more of those pretty pink flowers in the room with all the books.”

“Pretty pink flowers in…?” I groan. “Puzzle! Those flowers aren’t real. That’s my bedspread! I told you not to eat any of the floral in the house.”

“Oh.” His head drops farther down. “Sorry.”

“Yes, well, let’s just…move on.” I stifle a sigh and go to the next card. “Next we have another familiar and well-loved character!”

• Dobby from Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling

Dobby was a house elf to the wicked Malfoy family but chose to risk his own life by warning Harry Potter about the goings-on of the Malfoys and Voldemort—proving his status as an incompetent henchman indeed. Dobby’s greatest strength is his loyalty, especially to his beloved Harry Potter. Though he was ecstatic when Harry Potter made him a free elf, he still very much enjoys working and loves nothing more than to please others.

“Dobby, come on out!”

A short, large-eared creature apparates right next to me.

“HEEHAW!” Puzzle spooks at the sudden appearance of the house-elf and crashes straight into the curtains, pulling them down right on top of himself. “Heehaw! Heehaw!” The donkey-shaped lump under the curtains dashes blindly out of sight.

Shouts echo from behind the stage.

The house-elf wrings a hat in his hands. “Oh dear. Dobby didn’t mean to make a fuss.”

I let out my 234823 sigh that week and pat him on the head. “It’s not your fault.” Choosing to ignore the commotion behind me, I smile at him. “You’ve been chosen yet again as a contender to win the Least Competent Henchman silmaril this year! Harry would be so proud.”

His enormous eyes widen even more. “Dobby makes Harry Potter proud?”

“Most definitely.”

He spins in a circle and does a jig off the stage. “Dobby is a terrible henchman. Dobby makes Harry Potter proud!”

Still smiling, I move on. “Our next contender is…”

• Bramble from Where the Woods Grow Wild by Nate Philbrick

This curious-looking, mischievous little guy doesn’t always make the best decisions, and sort of accidentally on purpose aided some of the antagonists but…not in a very helpful way, gaining his spot as an incompetent henchman. But, despite his shortcomings, he is an utterly lovable little guy.

“Oh, Braaamble! You’ve been chosen!” I call over my shoulder, and then quickly add, “But please no throwing puffernuts on stage.”

A rabbit-sized creature with scraggly brown fur hurries on stage on stubby legs. “Bramble mustn’t throw puffernuts. No, no,” he mumbles, even while hiding something behind his back.

I squint at him. “Bramble, what did I say? My entire backyard is covered in brown dust because of those things. Where do you even keep finding them?”

He shifts his weight, eyes down, ear flopped over his head. “Mustn’t say. Mustn’t say.”

I can’t decide if to sigh or smile, but finally choose the latter. “Well, congratulations, Bramble. You’ve made it to the next round of the Silmaril Awards!”

He eyes shoot up, wide and sparkling. “Does Bramble get a shiny prize?”

“There’s a possibility of it.”

“Oooh! A shiny prize for Bramble!” He flings his hands up in excitement and something flies from his fingers and smacks by my feet. Brown dust erupts around me from the exploding puffernut.

“Ugh. Ack.” I burst into a coughing fit. “Bramble! What did I—” But he’s already gone. Groaning and coughing, I move on. “Our –cough- next person is –hack-”

• General Khrak from The Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson

Khrak is one of the dreaded Fangs of Dang, and the general of the Green Fangs—lizard-like warriors that comprise Gnag the Nameless’ army. General Khrak is one of Gnag’s oldest servants, being quicker in body and mind than most Green Fangs.

“Let’s all welcome General Khrak to the stage!” I gesture a hand out.

Silence.

“Um.” I continue to hold my arm out awkwardly. “General Khrak? That was your cue.”

More silence.

I drop my arm with a sharp sigh. “Khrak, come out here this minute!”

“No,” comes a rough reply from behind stage.

“No? But this is an honor!”

“Being picked for this ridiculous award is not an honor and I have no intention of waltzing on stage again this year.”

“You mean to tell me I let you crash in my house, and wreck it I might add, all week and you won’t even show your face for two seconds?” I march off stage.

Muffled arguing sounds from behind the curtain. Then a cry. And a bang.

………

I sidle back on stage with a plastered smile. “Ooookay. On to the final nominee!”

• The Toothy Cows from The Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson

These are not the cute, innocent, lazy creatures we are familiar with. Oh no. The cows of the world of Skree are carnivorous, terrible things. These savage beasts with their large, fanged teeth, constant slobber, and cloven hooves will give even the bravest of souls nightmares with just a single look from the evil gleam in their horrid eyes.

“Um. I think the description is enough. We don’t have to bring them out, do we?”

Clompity clomp. Clompity clomp.

“Oh wait, no! Don’t—”

A small pack of the devil cows appear on stage.

“EEP.” I drop my cards and make a dash for it. A shriek sounds from somewhere behind stage. “You mean I have to keep these monstrosities in my house for another two weeks?!”

-Please standby for a short intermission-

I peek around the curtain to make sure the coast is clear.

“Ahem.”

My hair in disrepair, my clothes wrinkled, and my eye twitching, I walk back on stage. “Th-thank you all for coming. Do be sure to vote for your favorite Least Competent Henchman. I will see you all back in two weeks to reveal our winner! Now excuse me while I politely send off those who did not make it into the top five.”

I calmly walk off stage.

Bang. Crash. Screech.

“I’m sorry you didn’t make it to the top five! I— UGH. Absolutely not! What do you mean you— Argh! For goodness’ sake, get out of my house!”

Well, that went better than expected!

Now the real fun begins! (And by fun I mean the hardest part of the whole thing that may cause an existential crisis or two because how do you choooose???) VOTING TIME. The top five for each category have been accounted for and now it is your turn to choose the winners!

VOTING FORM

Vote for your favorites below!

If for any reason that form doesn’t work use THIS LINK instead.

-Voting ends Friday (Sept. 13) at Midnight CST-

You do not have to go to each blog to vote. The form contains all the finalists, BUT you certainly wouldn’t want to miss the fun announcements for each category, now would you?

OTHER CATEGORIES

Here are the links to the Finalist Announcements for all the categories!

• Least Competent Henchman – Christine Smith (You are here!)
• Most Epic Heroine – J.L. Mbewe
• Most Magnificent Dragon – Kyle Robert Shultz
• Most Silver Tongue – Deborah O’Carroll
• Most Faithful Friend – E.E. Rawls
• Most Nefarious Villain – Zachary Totah
• Strangest Character – Tracey Dyck
• Most Epic Hero – DJ Edwardson
• Most Mischievous Imp – Madeline J. Rose
• Wisest Counselor – Jenelle Schmidt

  Stay tuned to see the winners!

The Award Ceremonies will be running Monday through Friday from September 16th – 27th!

Jenelle will start us out on the 16th and my post will be up Monday, Sept 23rd. Can’t wait to see who all wins the prized silmarils!

LET’S TALK!

Are you excited about who got chosen in the top five? Who do you hope will win? Did you get your votes in??? I KNOW IT’S HARD GAH. (Also, will someone help me get these crazy characters out of my house? Because— *CRASH* Ugh, not again!)