Hello, friends! It’s been far too long. I am beyond overdue for a little update.

We’re not going to talk about how long it’s been since my last post.* I’ve gotten much better at not apologizing for not keeping up with all the things or feeling guilty about it. Well, the not-guilty part is still a process, but progress is being made!

*It was January. January was my last time to post.

There are a dozen and a half things I could share and want to share. 2026 hasn’t been the easiest year (to put it lightly), but through those hardships there has been a lot of growth, a lot of talking with God, a lot of learning to listen, and such a swell of thoughts bursting through my mind. Sometimes it’s so much, it’s hard to know where to start. I literally have a list that I add to here and there of posts I’d like to write, and I’ve been chaotically jotting down thoughts for myself to process it all. But I think that’s the stage I’m in right now: processing. Learning, taking it in, growing, stumbling more than I’d like, but realizing God’s fresh mercies each day.

To sum up life right now: I am very chronically ill.

I can get 12 hours of sleep and the simple act of getting out of bed and showering in the morning pretty much cancels out all that sleep and I feel like I haven’t slept for 3 days. Walking up the short steps that lead from the garage to the kitchen door can leave me breathless and ill and almost faint. AFib sends my heart into a tizzy pretty much daily; it often feels like my heart is on a carnival ride (and not a fun one). If my energy levels were a battery percentage, I function at around 5% to 12% battery life daily, and any task, from answering a message to showering to fixing lunch, can take a good chunk of that percentage down. Because of that, I have to be frustratingly picky about what I spend my time on each day. And any major task (by “major” I mean something like getting out of the house to go grocery shopping) means the next day has to be a full day of recovery. Any physical activity can leave me collapsing on the couch, gasping for breath and feeling like I just climbed a mountain. I am breathless and exhausted and ill daily.

And daily, God is good. That’s the key.

I do not share this to gain sympathy. Instead, I want you to know that in whatever struggles you are facing yourself (because we all have hardships), you’re not alone, and to highlight that no amount of hardship takes away from God’s goodness. His goodness is infinite. His peace can be tapped into with every breath of every day. His mercies never run dry. And His love pours out beyond anything our finite minds can comprehend. That’s what I’m learning right now. The hardships don’t take away. Instead, they can highlight God’s goodness and help us learn to dip into His love in such a deeper, more meaningful way.

I’ve had chronic illness my whole life, but it wasn’t until I had heart surgery in 2024 and things took a turn for the worse that I started openly sharing about it all. I tend to try to keep things positive. I’ve never felt comfortable in sharing my woes. Even my very closest friends don’t hear much about the struggles I face. I’m literally sitting here at this very moment questioning if I should tone down the above paragraph about how hard daily life is. But one of the (many) lessons God has been working through me is to be more open.

My author tagline is Bright Words in Darkened Worlds. That’s because the novels I write tend to be a little dark. I will sometimes touch on heavy themes or fill my worlds with shadows. But not because I’m trying to write grimdark, quite the opposite. I write darkness because this world that’s full of darkness needs hope. I write darkness because, yes, darkness exists, but the light exists even more. It is the greatest Truth. It is infinite and always there. In the darkness, in the pain, in the struggles, and even in the seemingly hopelessness, there is light. Hope defies the darkness. And those are the stories I love to write the most. The stories that acknowledge darkness exists, and that it can be overcome.

That has been my passion as a writer from nearly the beginning of penning down tales. And as I look at these past few years and sit here in the hardest season of my life, I realize: that is my story.

I am in the darkness. There is pain and struggles, loneliness and days that feel so, so hopeless. But God’s light never stops shining. And why would I not share that incredible truth? How could I not spread it out to the world as far as I can?

If those are the stories I want to tell, then why am I keeping my own story private?

I think we often try to form these little happy bubbles and feel ashamed to admit when things are hard or that we’re struggling, as if struggling is some shameful thing. Jesus walked this earth, He endured every hardship imaginable, He knows our pain. Struggling is not a sin, being open about how hard things are is not shameful. Our attitude and what we do with it all is what matters.

I’m often embarrassed that I don’t have a job, often ashamed by how little I leave the house or that I’m genuinely not up and moving for the day until around 11 and can’t really do any sort of task until after lunch. But I’m choosing to share this publicly because that’s the reality of life right now, and it’s okay. Chronic illness life is different from normal life. And, really, what is “normal” life? We ALL have different schedules and needs. I don’t choose to stay home so much of the time because I want to. I am a strongly extroverted. I LOVE getting out and seeing people and doing things. So it’s not from lack of want or laziness or any of the ridiculous things people will accuse a person of. It’s simply what is required right now, and I don’t want to be ashamed of that anymore.

I believe I am in training grounds right now, and I’m in that “messy middle” stage of training.

I know I’m being sharpened and will come out of this so much stronger, I know better days are ahead, even if the better is simply learning contentment and endurance in the life I’ve been given and seeking purpose right where God has me. But knowing and accepting are two very different things. I will fully admit that I don’t always have the best attitude. Many days I am genuinely terrified to hope because it just feels like it will inevitably lead to disappointment. But that’s where mercy comes in.

Here’s the truth: one of the hardest things right now is that I can’t see better days ahead. I’ve shed many tears as I’ve felt like I’ve lost a part of myself. I’ve always been a deeply hopeful person, but these days, hope feels so far away. In the past few years, every time something comes up that seems like it will change my life for the better, it makes it worse. My heart surgery in 2024 was supposed to fix my deformed mitral valve and make me healthier than I’ve been my whole life. Instead, complications happened, and I am now vastly worse than I’ve ever been before, and no amount of doctor appointments or medication or exercise or life changes is showing any hope of it getting better. This could very well be life from here on out. And when existing day to day feels like climbing a mountain, it is hard to feel any kind of hope thinking that this is what life will be from here on out.

But recently, my dear mom reminded me that when a person is tired or sick, keeping a good hold of our emotions is vastly more difficult. When you have a bad case of the flu, you’re not exactly in a sound state of mind, right? And I just felt such a release hearing that. I’ve been so hard on myself, so mad that I can’t just get it together and be joyful and peaceful and hopeful all the time. I’ve been so ashamed. But I’m exhausted and sick every single day; I essentially feel like I have a case of the flu at all times. So of course that makes it harder to have a healthy hold on my emotions.

That doesn’t mean I suddenly have a “right” to have a terrible attitude about everything (we ain’t promoting the victim and/or entitled mentality here, folks). What that means is: God’s grace and mercy are fresh every morning. It means God is here to help me through my emotions, as the good Father He is. It means I get to learn to lean on the all-powerful, all-loving Creator of the Universe instead of myself. It means that I get to personally experience His strength and goodness as I overcome these challenges through Him.

The harder the struggle, the more awe-inspiring it is to see God’s power and love shine through it.

Praise God, my emotions do not affect His Truths by even a miniscule. On the days that I don’t feel hope, His hope is still as infinite and true as it’s ever been. On the days I’m questioning things, His promises never waver. On the days when I feel worthless, I am still entirely secure and whole in His love.

I won’t sugarcoat it. Life is hard right now. Really, really hard and discouraging and it’s difficult and scary to hold on to hope that anything will change.

But God is good.

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. – John 16:33

We will have tribulation, but my goodness do we have a reason to rejoice and be of good cheer, because God has already overcome it all. And what could be more hopeful than that?

I am still here, my friends.

If I don’t always respond to every message, or take an absurd amount of time to do so, or am more quiet on social media, it’s not because I don’t want to connect. I am simply having to micromanage every single task I do, down to replying to texts, to an extremely frustrating level. But it’s good for me. I’m learning to be okay with resting and taking care of myself (two things I’ve long failed at miserably) and not keeping up with everything all the time, as well as learning to prioritize.

I HAVE been writing. Quite a lot. I was going to share a writing update, but this post has gotten long enough. And you know, I haven’t done a post solely about my writing or one of my stories in far too long. I’d love to do that soon. Perhaps sometime in September I’ll get a full post out about my latest project. 👀

Fall FicFrenzy is also around the corner! So if you’re wanting to join a casual writing challenge this fall, PLEASE JOIN US. The Discord group is alive and well all year round, and we have a grand (and ridiculous) time there. Discord and my monthly newsletter are where I’m most active and the spaces I prioritize if you want to connect!

There’s still so much I want to share and some possible changes I’d like to make. But for now I’m prayerfully taking it all one step at a time and processing and growing. Thank you so much for your patience and support, dear friends. 💛

It’s been too, too long. How are YOU? How has 2026 treated you so far? Are there any specific ways I can pray for you?